 |
| Match Details |
| Round |
Round 2 |
| Opposition |
Captain Cook Hotel |
| Date |
22-Sep-2001 & 29-Sep-2001 |
| Ground |
Heffron 1 |
| Match Summary |
| Result |
|
| Captain Cook Hotel 1st innings |
all out, 156 runs
|
| Kurrajong Gypsies 1st innings |
all out, 128 runs
|
| Captain Cook Hotel 2nd innings |
4 wickets declared, 108 runs
|
| Kurrajong Gypsies 2nd innings |
1 wickets, 29 runs
|
| Match Report |
Volume 9, Round 2
Glebe Gypsies v Capt. Cook Hotel 3
“Plus ca change, plus la meme chose”
When Charles Aznavour slurred those immortal words to a brandy-sodden tart in the front bar of the Courthouse Hotel, Taylor Square while on tour here in the summer of 1961, he had no idea how they would echo through the years. A young Paul Brien, fresh from taking 5 for 20 against the Waterloo Flushers earlier that day, watched in stunned admiration as the epitome of Gallic manhood cut his grass in front of his very eyes, not realising it would be the closest he’d ever come to a chop.
Forty years later, the Gypsies would take the field for the tenth season of Gypsy cricket under a new Skipper, Junior Gray. After shouldering aside last year’s pathetic excuse for Captaincy in a pre-season coup, he promised supporters immediate improvement and put his charges through a punishing pre-season, scorning the traditional methods in favour of new-fangled concepts such as practice. The new selection committee had provided three new faces for returning Vice-Captain Warwick Armstrong to introduce himself to from the side that had capitulated pitifully on the last day of last season. Then, after composing himself, he led the embarrassed ingénues onto the field with the clear head and emptied pipes of a flushed toilet.
Gypsy cricket is nothing if not predictable, and Hollywood immediately announced to the startled opening batsmen “The lid’s down, matey and we’re not taking any shit today!” It soon became apparent this was because they had brought their own. Pies were on the menu and the Endeavour-sailing batsmen gorged themselves on Floaters. Fortunately, prominent media identity Cameron Hamilton struck for the Gypsies, having completed recording his BBC segment “This week in the Antipodes”. He took 5/35 and beat the bat constantly with a combination of line, length and hard-hitting investigative journalism.
The Gypsies, had toiled hard under the Spring sun to restrict the total to 156 and their openers strode the to the crease like a couple of white-collar criminals heading for their first shower in prison. They were retuned swiftly. Gerber, having braved the ASIO interrogation room and several episodes of Backyard Blitz only stopped to sign the tie. His partner, “Barney” Miller soon followed. By close of play, they had slumped to 4/50. Word filtered through to the collection of sulking ex-Gypsies in the AFL lounge that while the situation was perilous, it wasn’t Afghanistan just yet.
Day 2 saw a deterioration in the state of the conflict. 2 for 0 in the first six overs brought the Bundy truck, Tom Sharp to the crease, casting an enormous shadow that dwarfed even that of his partner, the stand-in Skipper. The earth shook as they rumbled up and down the wicket, building a partnership that threatened to take the Gypsies to victory. Just as seismologists were starting to fear the worst, the partnership was broken and the Gypsy tail folded – the Cohen brothers leaving their batting form in the editing suite.
Normally, first innings points would have seen the Captain Cookians sailing off towards Tahiti, but due to a bout of scurvy-induced stupidity they decided to go back in an knock up a quick 100, the highlight of which was Armstrong taking 3/8 and the appearance of their Captain Long John Dickhead at the crease with one pad, half a brain, both eyes closed and a parrot on his shoulder that kept chirping “Who’s got bad haemorrhoids, then?” When the declaration came, the Gypsies faced the simple task of scoring 137 runs in 16 overs, or the more difficult task of not collapsing. Fortunately, they chose the latter, losing only one wicket in an existential final session.
The post-match press conference was a chaotic affair. The Gypsies Captain became involved in a slanging match with sections of the media, and at one point described the current line-up as “near the bottom of the barrel, talent-wise.” The winning Skipper was even more demeaning; “Hangin’s too good fer ‘em – it’s a right keelhaulin’ they need!” His parrot just shat there, saying nothing. |
|
|
| Captain Cook Hotel 1st innings |
| Cohen, Nathan |
11 overs, 1 for 50 |
| Hamilton, Cameron |
12 overs, 5 for 35 |
| Lebler, Jobie |
2 overs, 0 for 18 |
| Masters, Tony |
1 overs, 0 for 3 |
| Barnett, Tim |
5 overs, 0 for 14 |
| Barnett, Steve |
1 overs, 1 for 1 |
| Cohen, Lindsay |
6 overs, 3 for 28 |
|
| Kurrajong Gypsies 1st innings |
| Gerber, Matt |
0 |
| Miller, Alan |
7 |
| Biboudis, John |
4 |
| Hamilton, Cameron |
9 |
| Barnett, Tim |
17 |
| Barnett, Steve |
8 |
| Lebler, Jobie |
24 |
| Sharp, Tom |
37* |
| Masters, Tony |
4 |
| Cohen, Nathan |
2 |
| Cohen, Lindsay |
2 |
|
| Captain Cook Hotel 2nd innings |
| Cohen, Nathan |
7 overs, 0 for 29 |
| Hamilton, Cameron |
4 overs, 0 for 35 |
| Lebler, Jobie |
4 overs, 3 for 8 |
| Masters, Tony |
4 overs, 0 for 5 |
| Barnett, Tim |
3 overs, 1 for 27 |
|
| Kurrajong Gypsies 2nd innings |
| Gerber, Matt |
14* |
| Miller, Alan |
1 |
| Barnett, Tim |
10* |
|
|
