 |
| Match Details |
| Round |
Round 2 |
| Opposition |
Concord RSL Black |
| Date |
10-Oct-2009 & 17-Oct-2009 |
| Ground |
Boronia Park 2 |
| Match Summary |
| Result |
|
| Concord RSL Black 1st innings |
all out, 235 runs
|
| Kurrajong Gypsies 1st innings |
8 wickets, 238 runs
|
| Match Report |
Splashes of a drunken vagrant’s misdirected piss awoke Tony Masters from his recurrent dream, of being the oldest Australian test cricketer on debut, at the age of 72, and forced him out of his swag at the end of Wentworth Park nets. He reached over to his bag of practice balls, and finding the most frayed-seamed and roughened pill amongst them, deftly tossed it at the itinerant’s head, occasioning him to topple sideways to the grass, wayward piss-stream and all. The empty parkland echoed his appeal.
One may have expected him to be brimful of annoyance at such a filth-ridden rousal, but not today. For today’s daybreak session of off break practice was tinged with the exciting knowledge that the produce of its labours would be tested, for the first time in six months, in the cauldron of DGCA ‘B’ grade competition.
And so, after the time-honoured ritual of finger taping, Tony was off to Hunter’s Hill to terrorise the mediocre. The thirteen toilet stops between Glebe and the Gladesville bridge may have been due to barely controlled excitement or prostatism. Short of a finger up the arse we will never know, suffice to say the keks were moist before a ball had been bowled.
Batho began, in deference to the previous, 537 Gypsy captains, by losing the toss. B1 took the nut and in an opening spell equipped with all the hallmarks a paceman; hair-flicks, anguished ululations, and rubenesque loins. Unfortunately it proved deficient in two aspects; speed and wickets. Nick Fenton-Smith (minorus), did his best to uphold Gypsy tradition by grassing two straight-forward chances off the wickedly unpredictable Varinder.
The opposition openers continued at a pace that would see snails implore them to try cocaine, until at last, with bowling changes made to keep the fieldsmen from falling asleep, the Gypsies returned to their favoured tactic of bowling trash and let the dickheads fuck up, which they duly did. And surprisingly, the catches stuck.
One catch though must be remarked upon. Billings, in his debut spell for Gypsy cricket, was throwing grenades disguised as cotton balls, one of which found the middle of the bat and was sent into orbit. On its return to earth, Varinder, who appeared to either have misjudged its flight or misjudged his evasion, found himself under the ball with the boundary precipitous, which had previously claimed the dignity of Metal Mike (team dog handler), beneath him. Miraculously, (beatification pending two further miracles), at the last second, rather than disappearing over the edge, one of the extra arms of Krishna sprang from his back side and the ball stuck. The only unsurprised person on the ground was Billings who saw it as due reward for calculated engendering of over-confidence in the batsman.
The end of the innings and the day’s play saw a total of 235 to chase the following week, and an uncharacteristic ‘team’ effort, sharing the spoils of wickets and catches.
The chase began with the regulation ‘murder of the innocents’, the debutante sent out to open as indifference and sloth rampaged through the Gypsy batsmen. The loss of early wickets though did not see the collapse the Gypsies have become renowned for, rather a composed bludgeoning of the attack by Batho(60), drew polite applause and complements from no less than visiting Gypsy great and Burma Star holder, Nicholas (I’ll take a cab if I have to run three) Ohlin.
The swordmanship of the Singhs ,bamboozling use of the back of the blade by Hishan, and a Roger Federer- inspired B1, saw a steady fall of wickets, consistent run scoring, dropped chances and encouragement for the luckless bowlers, the best of whom speared the ball with consistency and pace at fine leg, occasionally stepping on a stone and producing a ripping Yorker.
In the interests of the fans, the Gypsies could not put the result beyond doubt until the final runs were scored with Hishan unbeaten and Nathan red-ink Cohen at the crease.
Only then did the Gypsies realise they were worthy of their promotion from the ‘special needs’ competition of ‘C’ grade, and sadly, Tony Masters, the perennial dnb, began the long process of de-taping. He had been padded up since 8pm the evening before, with enough safety gear to repair burnt tiles on the orbiting space shuttle. But for the teams sake he kept his disgruntlement down to a stifled, mouth-guarded mumble as yet another match-winning innings remained more in the mind than upon the scorebook.
Fortunately the Gypsies success did not affect their finances, with the Master invoking witchcraft, sedition and poor personal hygiene, to collect $58 worth of fines.
|
|
|
| Concord RSL Black 1st innings |
| Barnett, Tim |
10.2 overs, 2 for 31 |
| Singh, Varinder |
7 overs, 0 for 16 |
| Ross, Hugh |
6 overs, 0 for 16 |
| Masters, Tony |
13 overs, 2 for 62 |
| Bathurst, Anthony |
5 overs, 1 for 22 |
| Singh, Roman |
9 overs, 2 for 40 |
| Billings, Shane |
7 overs, 2 for 21 |
| Cohen, Nathan |
6 overs, 1 for 12 |
|
| Kurrajong Gypsies 1st innings |
| Ross, Hugh |
3 |
| Billings, Shane |
6 |
| Bathurst, Anthony |
60 |
| Barnett, Tim |
36 |
| Singh, Roman |
8 |
| Singh, Varinder |
25 |
| Rajapakse, Hishan |
44* |
| Tan, Daryl |
18 |
| Bradley, Steve |
8 |
| Cohen, Nathan |
4* |
|
|
