 |
| Match Details |
| Round |
Round 7 |
| Opposition |
Souths Juniors |
| Date |
3-Dec-2005 & 10-Dec-2005 |
| Ground |
Rowland 2 |
| Match Summary |
| Result |
|
| Kurrajong Gypsies 1st innings |
8 wickets, 189 runs
|
| Souths Juniors 1st innings |
1 wickets, 193 runs
|
| Match Report |
Gypsies CC Past Players Association
Raffles Hotel, Singapore
We at the Past Players’ Association value every fellow that has packed his lunch in a size 3 hector in defence of the GCC. As Association President (acting), it therefore gives me great pleasure to respond to the club’s invitation to pass a few words on the present state of Gypsy cricket. Although there is little doubt that almost everything was better in my day, when I cast my glass eye over the current crop of strapping youths, I am aroused to admit that the bar has been raised, and as a result, it is more difficult for wicketkeepers to buy a drink. But I digress.
Pads are thicker these days, so you can feel confident even at work. It’s every woman’s dream…no that can’t be right. Pass me my spectacles, Barbara. Ah, here we are! Sledging has come under attack recently, but as my father always used to say, it’s better to have impromptu lines on a prepared strip, than a stripping pair on a lined prompt. Now… Many people have asked me recently why Cameron Hamilton’s contract has not been renewed for the forthcoming season. He has the full support of the board. … Sherry, please…next question?
My secretary Barbara has handed me the results of a recent match. She tells me we attended Rowland, but all these chaps blend into one after a while… I wouldn’t know half these new players if they banged my colostomy bag… According to these results, some fellow called Duck (22) opened with a certain Wall (14)… Good God, what sort of parent would name one child after Dirk Wellham and the other after the side of a house? … Neither did more than take the shine off the ball - which is all I ask of most boys, mind you. Nevertheless, I am most disturbed by the batters that followed. In my day, the Gypsies rarely won, but at least they were white. The current side seems to have fallen in line with the latter-day fad of multiculturalism. The failures of both ‘Orman’ (2) and ‘Vucetic’ (2) do not surprise me – a top order named after prescription drugs makes me wonder why I bothered defending Malaya in the first place.
I know nothing. You can torture me all you all like, I’ll never rat on the Queen! Inside leg,… I’m free! Of course sir, we could have them taken up by Thursday… Confound it nurse, I’m quite alright! Where was I? Oh yes, the match. Barnett, Barnett, Barnett… Steve… rings a bell. Young corporal, way back when, the lads called him ‘B2’ … the regiment’s crack trainspotter … met some American lass on a supply ship… shotgun wedding I believe. Says here he knocked up 36. Hope one’s her. Can’t be the same chap. What else? Nurse, read this will you…? Martina Upa-whatty….? Got a 50 you say? Ah, there are few things finer than the sub-continental wrist! The Brazilian buttock, the Zambian chest, the Greek flush pile … no, give me the subtle tug of a Sri Lankan’s wrist any day.
I told you before, I won’t give up my men! You’ll get nothing out of me! Alright then, his name’s Wawryzniak. … Oh, sorry Barbara, things went dark there for a moment. Now, about this Polish chap – I want you to look into his 33 not out. I suspect Sergeant Sundries has been moonlighting in the dago’s column. I saw him bat once in Malta. Had his papers marked ‘epileptic’ after that and he was sent home from the lines. Well that just about does it. Except for one. Barbara, I want Masters recommended for another Victoria Cross. 2 not out again! Ah, now there’s an athlete! Masters and I go back to Tobruk! 8 for 189 – a fine total from a, er, cosmopolitan crop.
For God’s sake Barbara, fill this up will you? I said two fingers, not a Jap’s nipple! Now, back to my account of this gripping encounter. I know you boys are frothing at the mouth for the exciting ending. Well, I don’t think I am overstating the case when I say that the Gypsies Cricket Club has, over its proud history, been recognised as MP & SECA’s premier production line of slow-medium 5-over-spell seamers. And so the stage was set. The Gypsies had fought their darndest, but were outnumbered by the Souths Jerries. The lines were cut and they were almost out of ammunition. Corporals Bradley (0/27), Ross (0/32), Duck (0/8), Wall (0/15) and Hamilton (0/8) had thrown everything at the Bosch in their heroic 6 over spells, but the men were spent. None could land the killer blow, or even a blow. Tragically Private Barnett (0/5) had been sent over the top for a lone six-ball charge, only to be mown down. Who would write to his grieving widow in Kansas? Colonel Masters had managed to hold off seven of them on the left flank, single-handedly firing 8 overs at a cost of 40 runs, but alas, no breakthrough. Wawryzniak was credited with 13 overs, 0/52, but the battle was never going to be won with that cheap Polish gear and it was those cowards who started the war in the first place. At 1 for 189 (a runout, according to dispatches) all hope was lost as the winning boundary careered past a forlorn Lady.
These eleven brave Gypsies pillowed for us that day, lest we forget. And so gentlemen, I ask that you charge your glasses! To eleven fine soldiers totally bereft of sporting ability!
|
|
|
| Kurrajong Gypsies 1st innings |
| Duck, Tim |
22 |
| Wall, Tony |
14 |
| Orman, Stephen |
2 |
| Vucetic, Ned |
2 |
| Bradley, Steve |
10 |
| Barnett, Steve |
36 |
| Upasena, Arjuna |
54 |
| Wawrzyniak, Andrew |
33* |
| Ross, Hugh |
2 |
| Masters, Tony |
2* |
|
| Souths Juniors 1st innings |
| Wawrzyniak, Andrew |
13 overs, 0 for 52 |
| Hamilton, Cameron |
5 overs, 0 for 8 |
| Duck, Tim |
7 overs, 0 for 8 |
| Masters, Tony |
8 overs, 0 for 40 |
| Ross, Hugh |
5 overs, 0 for 32 |
| Bradley, Steve |
5 overs, 0 for 27 |
| Wall, Tony |
3 overs, 0 for 15 |
| Barnett, Steve |
1 overs, 0 for 5 |
|
|
