 |
| Match Details |
| Round |
Round 9 |
| Opposition |
Rex Dolphins |
| Date |
7-Jan-2006 |
| Ground |
Moore Park 16 |
| Match Summary |
| Result |
|
| Rex Dolphins 1st innings |
all out, 118 runs
|
| Kurrajong Gypsies 1st innings |
7 wickets, 121 runs
|
| Match Report |
Brett Lee is bad for cricket. Players of his ilk are ruining the game. Blonde-tipped pretty-boys poncing around in bands when they should be sinking piss in bars like the fast bowlers of yore send the wrong message. His outburst at the Umpire in the Sydney Test was a disgrace – there was a perfectly good batsman at either end who should have copped the brunt of his dissatisfaction. What are young kiddies supposed to think when they see dickheads like Seachelle Gibbs being ignored in favour of match officials? Heroes like Hughes, Hogg and Thompson lived by the maxim; “if the umpire won’t give him out, then fucking knock him out,” and at the end of the day’s play, they’d be the first blokes into the opposition rooms with a tinny, and asking to take a gander at the x-rays.
The Gypsies entered January like they do most dole queues - about 7th place. But the top side’s backside burned in testament to the Gypsies’ spanking abilities, and they were hardly about to run screaming from the water over a bunch of extras from Flipper. Nevertheless the selectors fancied an aquatic line-up, dropping Hollywood (excessive buoyancy), Arjay (surf mat accident), Manny (sand abrasion - crotch), Harrison (Cronulla riots), Yak (no gills), and Nathan (no reason, just malice). Hamilton won the toss and had no hesitation in asking the opposition to don their floaties and take first leap off the high board.
Things got off to a bright start, with their beefy opener smashing forward defensives all over the Park, while a still-pissed and extremely frustrated (more on this later) Orman at slip strove to come up with enough fat jokes to stem the flow of runs. But it was Batho who made the breakthrough with a fine piece of Gypsy cricket. Using the old Junior captaincy trick when under assault; ‘when in doubt, spread them out’ - he pushed the gully back to 3rd man, offered the juicy half-tracker wide of off stump and watched Tony Wall take a superb goalkeeper’s catch. Thus encouraged, he proceeded to rip through the top order, taking 3/33 in a fine spell. Soon after, the Flipper-Boys were plunged deeper in trouble by Tom Sharp. Surprisingly recalled to the side after more than a year propping up the middle order at the Rugby Club, he vindicated the decision with a brilliant throw from the deep to run out their No. 3, who was poorly advised from the sideline to “take one on that arm” – 13 seasons of playing against us and they have obviously learnt nothing.
While wickets were tumbling, the Gypsies had other issues. Orman had tearfully confessed to the most heinous of Gypsy crimes – failure to chop. With his beer goggles firmly in place, he had actually managed to land what he had thought initially was a catfish, but after 18 beers had magically transformed into a Marlin. Despite getting lost in his own suburb on the way home, his problems really began when he came up empty with some Eric Clapton to put her in the mood. Full of piss and keen to convert, he resorted to pulling out the guitar for a little serenade-work, but she was not impressed with his single-finger version of the first 8 bars of Stairway to Heaven. Sensing he was in danger of losing the chop, he tried pleading with her, begging and finally spiked his own drink before waking up in a Seven Eleven in Redfern wearing a pair of his old school pants and the Duck Tie.
Meanwhile, the Tinned Tuna XI lost wickets rapidly due to a fine spell from Duck (4/21) and uncharacteristically good catching (Hammo & Gilshenan both took beauties). They eventually succumbed for a paltry 118. The Gypsies launched their reply with two ducks: Wall was fired by Burns LBW after 5 scratchy overs, and there was barely enough doubt to enforce the mandatory fine on the umpire. Orman, who had been superb all day in a vocal cordon, was then given a rousing send-off by the opposition, not because of the duck he scored batting, but because combined with the previous night he’d made a pair. Duck (50) and Chinmay (34) handled the very ordinary attack with ease after that, and the result looked a foregone conclusion. Still, the Gypsies managed a collapse of sorts, losing 7 wickets before B1 ended their misery with his traditional 6 to win the match. Burns’ 3-ball cameo was a highlight, managing in a single ball to edge it onto his stumps (where the bail lifted, but stayed on), then it ricocheted through to the keeper, who duly dropped the sitter. He responded to this double let-off by holing out next ball.
Gone are the days of the big mo, the tight shirt with the chain swinging, beers at the game and having a chat with the batsman about how his feet are moving. Cricket officials now are all wowsers, idolators or sock-wearing Samaritans in desperate need of a life. These days the only place you can have a beer is at the pub – you can’t even buy VBs at the VB series this year for god’s sake! Cricket at the grass roots level has suffered as a result. Where is the next Shane Warne going to come from when you can’t drink to excess, text a young lady or call a prick a fat fuck when he is one?
THE GYPSIES 7/121 defeated REX DOLPHINS 2 118
|
|
|
| Rex Dolphins 1st innings |
| Barnett, Tim |
10 overs, 1 for 33 |
| Bathurst, Anthony |
7 overs, 3 for 33 |
| Duck, Tim |
7 overs, 4 for 21 |
| Trivedi, Chinmay |
4 overs, 0 for 18 |
| Hamilton, Cameron |
2 overs, 1 for 8 |
|
| Kurrajong Gypsies 1st innings |
| Duck, Tim |
50 |
| Wall, Tony |
0 |
| Orman, Stephen |
0 |
| Trivedi, Chinmay |
34 |
| Sharp, Tom |
0 |
| Barnett, Tim |
22* |
| Hamilton, Cameron |
2 |
| Burns, Owen |
3 |
| Gilshenan, Brett |
0* |
|
|
