Match Details
Round Round 2
Opposition Rex Dolphins
Date 1-Oct-2005 & 8-Oct-2005
Ground Moore Park 10

Match Summary
Kurrajong Gypsies 1st innings all out, 118 runs
Rex Dolphins 1st innings 8 wickets declared, 294 runs
Kurrajong Gypsies 2nd innings all out, 113 runs

Match Report

An extract from "The Latham Diaries"

Saturday, 1 October

Woke up to more fucking rubbish in the Telegraph to go with my splitting headache from of the night before. How did they get that slag’s number – even I couldn’t manage that last night! You can drink a thousand beers and even the ugliest sheila in the world can look half decent but Beazley will still be a cunt. Don't know what's worse: the Press Gallery's love affair with that suckhole or walking into the shitter after Robert Ray has taken a dump. I’ve had both in the past 24 hours.

Needed some fresh air so I took the kids out to watch some cricket. Nothing like the Park on a Saturday afternoon; full of fucking losers with overblown opinions on their own abilities. Felt right at home.

Saw the Gypsies take on Rex Dolphins. Fair dinkum, those Gypsies might as well be Labor's True Believers. They turn up every year with the same old pile of crap and very little prospect of success. The word in the Park is that some fresh blood has been drafted in and the Gypsies are ready to climb the ladder of opportunity. Not bloody likely on today's evidence. Started a chant with my kids from the fine leg boundary - "Bring back Junior!" Junior and I have a lot in common; not only have we both led hapless rabbles, but also a history of altercations with taxi drivers. I may have broken that prick's arm, but he deserved it. At least he didn’t need a new pair of shoes and to hose out his cab afterwards. When Junior’s full of piss he seems to leave it everywhere.

The Gypsies are as useless as Caucus. They don't have a fucking clue. I was lucky enough to see one of their famous collapses today. All out for 118. It was as pathetic as Bob McMullan's comb over. Ducks to Manny (on debut) and Hollywood. B2 (41) and Fenton-Smith (28) at least saved some face. Half the team wore their duck tie a one stage – I wish those commies down at ACTU headquarters looked half as well-dressed.

Rex Dolphins set about chasing the small target with only three wickets down at stumps. A few dropped catches as it's obvious the 2005/06 Gypsies version is the same as the 11 previous. Left the Park feeling a lot better about myself (and it wasn't just because of the legless sheilas - mostly good sorts - heading home from the Randwick races). My situation is not nearly as desperate as those poor cunts, the Gypsies.

Saturday, 8 October 2005

I’m taking a pasting in the bloody polls. Newspoll has me 10 points behind that cretin Downer as ‘most likely to have a carrot up his arse.’ The public can be so cruel – don’t they know I’ve got pancreatitis, or syphilis, or…whatever it was. Alan Ramsay's column made me puke over my cornflakes. It was either that or last night's chicken kebab. The Paki probably came over on the boat with my taxi driver mate. Enemies in politics are one thing but I have to be wary of an entire continent.

To cheer myself up, I thought I’d see if the Gypsies had been hitting the training track hard this week and could rescue the situation. The carnage I witnessed was like last week’s Caucus meeting. A bloke the size of Laurie Oakes tore the Gypsy bowlers apart. This shows how out of touch the Canberra Press Gallery is. I couldn’t get them interested about kids overboard, yet my man boobs can become the big political issue of the week. I mean, have any of those bludgers been to watch cricket in the Park on a Saturday afternoon? My man boobs put me in touch with the common man.

Some truly useless efforts I thought I’d share with you: Ross (1/68 from 5 overs) and Masters (0/42 from 5) as pathetic as any economic policy produced by that pseudo-intellectual Swan in the past 12 months. Even Vanstead rolled the arm over which showed how desperate things became. Of greater concern was the piss poor sledging effort. I’ve sledged the best of them – that Rodent Howard and George W to name a couple - yet I didn’t even hear even hear a simple arse-licker line out of those losers today.

Gypsies were sent back in and crumbled yet again to a bowling attack as probing as a Jenny Macklin assault in Question Time. The scorecard read like my approval ratings – 2, 11, 10, 9, 9 etc. Vanstead top scored with 19.

By 5 o’clock I’d seen enough. A landslide loss. I’d even left the kids at home but the racing was at fucking Rose Hill, so I went across to the pub at Fox Studios for a perve. There they were, the Gypsies, talking themselves up for next week already. It was like listening to a policy speech from the Democrats – full of promises that nobody gives a shit if they keep. Sank eight schooners and spent the rest of the day making prank calls to Vanstone: “Hello, is that the goodyear blimp?” Ha,ha.

Gypsies 118 & 113 lost outright to Rex Dolphins 8 dec for 294

Kurrajong Gypsies 1st innings
Harrison, Adrian 1
Burns, Owen 25
Damianakis, Manuel 0
Hamilton, Cameron 1
Barnett, Steve 41
Galvin, Mark 2
Fenton-Smith, Will 28
Masters, Tony 0
Ross, Hugh 7
Cohen, Nathan 3
Keane, Leigh 0*
Rex Dolphins 1st innings
Galvin, Mark 16 overs, 3 for 57
Cohen, Nathan 13 overs, 2 for 50
Hamilton, Cameron 7 overs, 1 for 27
Ross, Hugh 5 overs, 1 for 68
Masters, Tony 5 overs, 0 for 42
Fenton-Smith, Will 2 overs, 0 for 25
Barnett, Steve 3 overs, 0 for 17
Kurrajong Gypsies 2nd innings
Harrison, Adrian 2
Burns, Owen 11
Damianakis, Manuel 10
Hamilton, Cameron 9
Barnett, Steve 9
Galvin, Mark 12
Fenton-Smith, Will 19
Masters, Tony 9
Ross, Hugh 9*
Cohen, Nathan 10
Keane, Leigh 9