 |
| Match Details |
| Round |
Round 1 |
| Opposition |
Souths Juniors |
| Date |
1-Jan-1996 |
| Ground |
|
| Match Summary |
| Result |
DRAW |
| Kurrajong Gypsies 1st innings |
0 wickets, 0 runs
|
| Souths Juniors 1st innings |
6 wickets, 152 runs
|
| Match Report |
One dark night, in a deep Southern swamp, amid the faint sound of duelling banjos, an unholy union took place. Two creatures of dubious gender, whose DNA read like a bad hand at Scrabble spawned a beast of indescribable ferality. In his early infancy, he survived numerous attempts at retrospective abortion, and grew up on a diet of chitlins and Beaver bile gumbo. At the age of nine, while out collecting warthog snot he was captured by a mendicant Yorkshire ferret trader, and was sold for a quart of Rye. Before he knew it, he was plying the willow in his spare time on the moors, learning the art of sledging from Geoff Boycott’s wild runt brother Tarquin. Eventually, by saving and selling his nostril hairs and eczema scabs, he saved up ten pounds and ran away to join Lockwood’s Stoat Circus, which was touring at the time. After the circus returned to Australia, they realised he had no aptitude or ability and so rang up Souths Juniors Cricket Club and there, to this day, remains the Weasel.
The first day of season 1995/96 proved to be a piss on - unfortunately for The Gypsies it was the whole of Sydney that got pissed on, and from a great height. The only good news was a rumour that swept across the arctic wastes of Little Bay that the aforementioned Weasel had served his suspension (from Round 1 last year) and was set for a comeback. New Captain Cranky Priscilla, Queen (it seems) of Little Bay and Moore Park had no option but to lead his pumped-up team mates to the nearest vendor of spirituous & fermented liquors and put them through a gruelling training session.
The second Saturday dawned fine, warm and hungover. Amazingly, 13 Gypsies showed up, bibs on, for a serving of Weasel Stew. Priscilla won the toss and gave the Gypsies first sledge at the Weaselic One, and he did not disappoint. After a solid warm-up against the Long Bay Cardinals baseball team (& associated Chop) the Gypsies got stuck in early, as did the Weasel. Playing his shots from ball one he raced to 5no after only 90 minutes, flaying Muddy and Chopper through silly mid-on and silly point. Chopper unveiled his new, ecologically sound bowling mark (courtesy of the Paragon Hotel) to the surprise and amusement of all present.
Wickets failed to fall with monotonous regularity as the Weasel reached his decary (102 min, 85 balls S/R 0.85). Debutant “Plunger” Bailey had a short spell at the bowling crease, turning in a Trimbellic performance, mercifully cut short by a pulled heartstring - some would say the only thing that he could bounce was a... But enough of that. Tom “The Venetian” Sharpe stood out for his catching on a day when the fielding resembled the Big Bang (things thrown about in all directions) and the Cutlet, after proving that the ‘keeping gloves only hinder his catching ability, displayed the kind of quixotic commitment to getting a part of his body behind the ball that was warmly applauded, if not respected by his team mates. No report is available on whether he placed his engorged, but tender nether regions into the ministering hands of his new Chop.
It was basically a day where nothing much happened. The Juniors finished their innings in a blaze of darkness and poor fielding, mustering 6/196 in their 40 overs. The Skipper bravely decided to open the Gypsy innings and after bravely facing one over, he bravely came right back off again, bat between the legs and a brown stain beginning to spread from his beflannelled rear. His loyal team mates sympathised by making him pack the kit and bestowing the inaugural COD award upon him.
Anyone can be a cowboy when the sun’s at high noon, or a midnight cowboy if one follows the Priscillan arts. But to be a twilight cowboy requires the type of fortitude shown by such Moore Park luminaries as Warney, Mr January, Corey and the great Sumsky Snr who in their day could all fight their way out of a brown paper bag filled with icecream. But despite the recent proliferation of clinics treating premature declaration, Pricilla’s decision to pull stumps and take the two points for a draw showed a lack of confidence in his players that has become a hallmark of Gypsy Captains. This was definitely a match that was there to be won - even by the Mustelidae Eradication XI.
|
|
|
| Kurrajong Gypsies 1st innings |
| Gray, James |
0* |
| Bradley, Steve |
0* |
|
| Souths Juniors 1st innings |
| Shanahan, Jim |
13 overs, 3 for 75 |
| Waters, David |
15 overs, 2 for 40 |
| Bradley, Steve |
6 overs, 0 for 19 |
| Bailey, Jason |
1 overs, 0 for 9 |
| Ohlin, Nick |
5 overs, 1 for 22 |
|
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